She is beautiful...

It’s a funny thing…to be in love.

The love I have for Jesus is unexplainable…beyond.

With Ashleigh it’s much simpler, almost child-like in comparison, but real nonetheless. It’s such a HUGE responsibility taking care of another persons heart. An impossible responsibility. People hand their hearts over without thinking, which requires no courage, no depth, no sincerity. It’s handed over blindly…foolishly.

People hand it over like they were sharing candy or playing frisbee, simply living in the moment. But our hearts aren’t a toy. They aren’t meant to be played with or shared with just anyone.

They are like a garden.

It takes hard work and care and time to nurture it and grow it until it produces beautiful flowers and fruit.

When we let just anyone try to take care of our garden, we are left barren, unwatered, trampled on…Because they are blind and they are children, unable to see the measure of destruction they are causing. They either blindly fumble around, trying their best to maintain the richness of the garden, or they are children, running and playing and stomping on and destroying its beauty because they simply don’t know any better.

I have realized one very important truth, which was spoken to me before, but I never absorbed it truly. A truth I learned since Ashleigh has allowed me the gift of being able to nurture her garden (heart).

I have learned that I am entirely unable to do so. I can NOT take care of it. I have toiled in vain, trying my best to create a beautiful place, but it was never mine to take care of in the first place. I have only caused more damage…

I was never meant, made or created to take care of it.

You see..God gave Earth to mankind, so that he may take care of it, but as for the human heart, or in my case, the heart of a woman, He never intended man to take care of that. It was His garden to sustain and His alone.

Because only He can make the soil rich.

Only He can pour Living Water on dry ground.

Only He can plant good Seed.

Only He can move the sun overhead.

I have learned that we are indeed created in the image of God. We are gardeners, and Earth is our garden. He is also a Gardener and His garden is our hearts.

Beautiful.

Being with Ash has taught me that I must stop trying to tend the gardens of people, because that is a garden only Jesus can truly sustain and enhance. And when I try, I find I am unable to do well.

Being with Ash has taught me that humans must stop allowing people into their garden, only to be crushed underfoot, and let Jesus in to do damage control.

Being with Ash has taught me that my surroundings are my responsibility to tend to and take care of. This is the place I am supposed to water and the land I am supposed to work. And the heart of man is a garden that can only be taken care of by God.

So…

I gave Ashleigh back her heart because to hold onto it and try to take care of that garden woudn’t be true love, it would be arrogant, selfish and even a form of hatred. She also gave me my heart back..

Though this process was difficult, she finally understood and gave her heart to Jesus. Jesus is the Gardener that now tends her heart and continues to undo the damage that has been done to it. Jesus is also now the gardener of my heart.

Beautiful.

But here is the key to true love…the main point I want to make. If you hope to experience the greatest love this side of heaven, which I have JUST figured out, it is this…

When Ash and I gave our hearts to Jesus instead of each other, then Jesus cleaned up the the mess, planted new seed, grew a jaw-dropping/eye-popping/edge-of-your-seat stunningly beautiful garden and then…

He promised us that when our covenant (marriage) is sealed, He will invite me into her garden to enjoy fully, humbly and purely and do the same for her with my garden!

And that my friends…is true love

Beautiful.

Lions, Tigers and Bears OH MY!!

"Its easy to feel discontent when you can barely pay your bills, let alone afford the luxuries of life. When you feel yourself growing discontent, remind yourself that pursuing money is a dead end prospect. Remind yourself that while God won't supply all your wants, HE will supply all your needs. Let love for God rather than the love of money rule your heart!"
-Melissa Dozal

There was something Melissa said that really stuck out, "When you feel yourself GROWING discontent" [Emphasis mine]

I am no farmer, but Jesus used this type of agricultural metaphor often, so this statement hits a deep nerve for followers of Jesus.

Imagine for a second that we are farmers with many different fields. Some fields have "evil" seed and others have "good" seed. Imagine a field with "discontent" seeds the same way there might be tomato seeds. And a field of "brotherly kindness" and another one of "lying" and another field with seeds of "bitterness". Many fields with the possibility to yield many types of fruit.

Now imagine for a second going around watering these fields. Imagine walking past the fields of "love", "peace", "faithfulness", "joy", "goodness", "patience", "kindness", "self-control", "gentleness" and straight for the fields of "hate", "bitterness", "lying", "gossip", "lust" and "discontentment". Then as you look at the vast fields, you begin to water them.

This doesn't make sense, but it's what we do. Out of the type of hearts we have, this is our soul's proclivity. It's like gravity pulling us down and away from the stars.

Too many times we water the fields of "sin". Too many times do we "walk in the counsel of the wicked" and put forth our hardest labor in those places. Too many times do we water the field of "gossip" by betraying close friends with our malicious words. Too many times do we water the field of "lying" by not proclaiming truth and allowing our lives to become a farce. Too many times do we bash on the lack of "good" growth in the fields of our brothers and sisters instead of helping them grow good fruit, meanwhile neglecting our own fields.

Why do we do this? Even after Jesus has rescued us, we still lean towards watering the fields that will destroy us.

Here are two killer truth pills to swallow.

First, those fields will eventually yield it's fruit. Basically that means that those evil decisions you choose everyday will come back to kill you.

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature[a]will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."
-Galatians 6:7-10

Be careful what you choose today. This is your life, are you who you wanna be? Well why not? What decisions have you made that led to this? It's not too late to stop watering those fields of "sin". Turn and begin to water the fields of "Good". This is an act of repentance. It's not repentance because repentance is returning to a state of loving and worshipping Jesus, but it is an act of repentance.

Here is the second and greatest smack-in-the-face truth...you ready for it?

The fields of "Good" are not yours, but God's and He will come back to see how well you've taken care of them. If He comes back and the fields are dead, dying or ungrown, then there will be grave repercussions.

"His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest." 'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has the ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
-Matthew 25:26-30

Now go back to the top and read Melissa's quote again. Do you feel yourself growing "discontent" instead of growing "peace" and "trust" in God? If you are watering the wrong fields, you will never receive what you hope for. If you begin to water and tend to the right ones, you will be blessed.

But do not forget the most important truth! Even this life is NOT YOURS. God has given it to you so you can water and grow what He has given you. And one day He will come back to see what you have yielded.

What if that Day were Today?

Just steps up a stairwell

Hell has a path.

First, just start walking in the counsel of the wicked. Let evil direct you.

Now, make a left and you'll be standing in the way of the sinner. Feeling comfortable yet?

But your legs are growing tired aren't they. The journey is short, but oh so taxing on the body. That's ok, why don't you go ahead and relax.

Of course then you'll be sitting in the seat of mockers and before you know it, you've found it...

Hell.


Heaven has a path.

Godliness means to worship well...

Godliness leads to Holiness.

Holiness means pure and blameless...

Holiness leads to Righteousness.

Righteousness means to be in right standing with God...there it is, heaven

But don't you see, Heaven is not a place, but a greater reality with God.

Meditate on the Word. The Word is God. If God is a Being, then how do you meditate on a being? You spend time with Him. Get to know Him. Love Him. Talk to Him. Ask questions. Learn from. Kiss. Hug. Hold.

1 John 2

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.
We know that we have come to know him if we obey his commands. The man who says, "I know him," but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But if anyone obeys his word, God's love is truly made complete in him. This is how we know we are in him. Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did.
Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is a message you have heard. Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.
Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.
I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.
I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, dear children, because you have known the father.
I write to you, fathers, because you have known him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men, because you are strong, and the word of God lives in you, and you have overcome the evil one.

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

Dear children, this is the last hour; and as you have heard that the antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have come. This is how we know it is the last hour. They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us, but their going showed that none of them belonged to us.
But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and all of you know the truth. I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth. Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist - he denies the Father and the Son. No one who denies the Son has the Father; whoever acknowledges the Son and has the Father also.
See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father. And this is what he promised us - even eternal life.
I am writing these things to you about those who are trying to lead you astray. As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit - just as it has taught you, remain in him.

And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.
If you know that he is righteous, you know that everyone who does what is right has been born of him."

-1 John 2

About the Blog...the title and beyond.

A good friend of mine suggested I explain the title of my blog because it was too complicated, ironically, that was exactly my intention. To make a simple phrase, complex.

The title is "Deluge of Introspection and ambrosial contemplation: Provocations of "a called out one"

Wordy. I know.

Deluge: A flood
Introspection: Thoughts about self
Ambrosial: Divine
Contemplation: Thought; Thinking; Pondering
Provocations: Something that provokes thought
Called out one: a singular form of the word "ekklesia" which is translated into church in the New Testament, but comes from the Greek meaning "called out ones"

I think complexity is a beautiful thing. Because Complexity allows for simplicity. When you look at something, touch something, listen to something, taste something, feel an emotion, love a person, read a book, dance with a friend, laugh at a joke, smile at something wonderful, etc etc etc, it can all be seen as these very simple things, looking from the outside in.

For example: Sitting with a friend watching the sun set. Something very simple...very profound. Yet under the simplicity of the event, complexity lies. The motion of the earth revolving on it's axis. The distance between the sun and earth that allows this event to occur without dying. The view being transferred from the eye to the mind, perceived, then the millions of memories and triggers that are engaged by simply looking straight ahead. And that's just the start...

But...

Go a little deeper now, into the complex and you will find it becomes simple again. Like a cycle. And the deeper you look into something, you notice this pattern. It starts off looking complex or simple, then turns into the other, then the other and back again and so on and so forth. Amazing!

But what I've learned is that studying deep into something reveals the fingerprints of God. The works of a Designer within the simple complexities of life, stars, nature and everything else. It all points back to a Mind that created and sustains all things.

That is why I chose to make my title complex, because under the complex wording lies simplicity. Under the simplicity lies more complexity and back to simplicity until you finally stand eye to eye with your Maker in all His Glory because God is ALWAYS revealed in ALL things when you sink deeper and deeper into it, except sin.

So my prayer and desire is that as you read this blog, you will encounter God by reading through what's complex and what's simple. That in the end of it all, you will be glad to delight in Him and His Word.

Mundane is a mentality. Awe is worship. Both of which are choices left up to you.

Oh How He loves Us...

Do you ever find yourself caught in a net of empty feelings? Like a star burst inside of your heart creating a black hole that is sucking you into it's nothingness. I think for most people this is commonplace, like making their bed or washing the dishes.

While you hum and airdrum to your favorite song playing on your ipod, your soul is being swallowed by the deepest darkness. Then you do a little workout, catch a shower, read a chapter of your favorite book and head out the door to meet the world in all it's fullness. You skip and laugh and smile at those all around, black holes ripping away through every man, woman and child you encounter. Then along the path, the sadness seeps a little deeper and your smile slowly fades away. Your pace becomes staggered. Breathing grows heavy and tears well up around the corners of your eyes. Looking at your hands and feet and clothes and surroundings, you wonder what happened to that thin blanket of peace and happiness you were clinging to. You start noticing that the world is falling apart and where funny things, silly things, colorful things once stood, now stands shadows. Fear sets in and in your panic you reach for your phone to look at the list of friends in your phonebook. As you scroll down the list, your once good friends become acquaintances, more like strangers with similar enjoyments. Loneliness joins fear and give power to the black hole until the person that thought everything was good and fine is nothing more than a pile of kindling waiting to absorb the heat of the fire you were created to feed. Hope and love and all good things escape eyesight until there remains only pain, bitterness, remorse, hatred and longing...

But then...something unexpected begins to happen...

A slight warmth steals away the coldness that gripped you so tightly.

A song is being sung in the distance. You can hear it...coming closer now.

Where shadows reigned, light is beginning to penetrate and you see the black hole that eats away at you. So your first instinct is to run back to the darkness because it hid the ugliness that is one with you...but a voice comes out of the song you hear. The song from the light in the distance.

It's His voice! Can you hear it now?! It's not coming out of the song. It is the SONG! He is the song! Listen to Him! He comes NOW to rescue you! Listen to His song! Listen NOW!

O How He LOVES US!! HE LOVES US, HE LOVES US, HE LOVES US!! O HOW HE LOVES US!!
HE LOVES US!! O HOW HE LOVES US!! HE LOVES US HE LOVES US HE LOVES US!!! O HE LOVES!!!!!

The black hole disappears and you become WHOLE. Tears are wiped from your eyes in a flurry of His wind. You take His Divine Hands and dance and dance and dance. You keep your eyes closed for a bit because it is too much for you to handle, then slowly, one eye at a time, you open them and standing before you is GLORY. Standing with you is BEAUTY. Standing for you is LOVE. And He sings for you, He sings and laughs and carries you above the stars into His place of REST and calls you His own. There it goes, the pain, there it all goes, the worry, there it goes, let it go, let it go, let it all go...it's gone.

He places you back in this place where darkness still lives and He promises it can't cover you anymore. It can't steal from you anymore. It can't because your presence is it's poison. He continues to sing and out of the song you feel the love He has for you, but not just you, but those others..."Look back there" He sings and you look back and you see the countless others still enslaved by the kings of emptiness and you notice their pain. He says I have saved you so that you can bring them to me. I AM worthy. I AM deserving. I AM rescue and now I will put MYSELF into you.

This is who we are. This is our story. I AM has put HIMself into us so we can sing "o how He loves us, o how he loves us, how HE loves us" and we will sing it forever. But He also saved us so that we can bring those others to HIMself so that they can sing too..and when the stars have faded and all things burn under His fire and He ushers us into newness, then we will sing this song FOREVER and TOGETHER and it will resound off the walls of heavens gate and HIS SONG WILL BE HEARD FOREVER. We will sing for Him because He first sang for us...

So hear it now...hear Him now. He sings for you.

O How He Loves Us

The dark moments...

They come as quietly as a cat, purring out of reach, promising comfort and companionship, yet poised to pounce on you. You... the unexpecting victim...the unexpecting fool. They are the shadowy dark moments, when the soul seeks harbor in a hurricane crushed bay. When the heart finds rest amongst a bush of thistles. When the mind takes leave in the trappings of a medieval iron maiden. These clinging moments that seem to linger with us longer than we might hope, yet not enough for us to learn what Wisdom has been trying to show us all along.

I think in the past month I have allowed the dark moments to attach themselves to me as a close friend...or a leech. Instead of seeking Divine Light, I peer into black abyss and wonder what's next...

It's something we are all guilty of...almost like some hidden pleasure that we ponder on day and night, yet are ashamed to reveal to any other person. We find some odd pleasure in living under the cloak of darkness. It is like a drug to us. We are gluttons of the shadowlands and abandon the wave of the Sonrise...

But the Sonrise is coming and in the clouds He will pull many from the desolate depths according to His Glory and attach them to Himself...attach me to Himself.

Avoid the dark moments. They are no friend, though they appear to be. They are vipers...lies...illusions.

They are..

Girlfriends.

Boyfriends.

Television Shows.

New Movies.

Hit Songs.

Parties.

A new outfit.

Soft beds.

Warm Books.

Meals.

Your car.

Not to say these things are evil in and of themselves, they are intended and created to be good. But a man once said, "When you make a good thing a God thing, it becomes a bad thing" and there in lies the trouble of it all.

These are just a few things that bring us into the dark...but only one thing that can bring us into the Light.

Jesus Christ.

Worship Him or worship yourself...because if you don't worship Him, then you worship something else, which is idolatry...which you only do to please yourself, which ULTIMATELY is PRIDE, the root of sin. The first sin. The last sin. Because in the end, you really either worship Jesus...or you worship yourself.